Sophie Katz, Managing Editor for the Yearly WriCampian and longtime penner of WriCampia’s advice column.
I’m struggling with my sexuality. One moment, I think I’m into pretty gay boys, the next, I think I like girls, and the next, I’m questioning if I’m aroace. How do I figure out who I really like, if anyone? – Confused Queer
The good news is that your sexuality isn’t an essay due at midnight—you don’t owe it to anyone, and there’s nobody pressuring you to figure it out (if they are, kindly [or unkindly] tell them to stop). Take time for yourself and remind yourself it’s totally normal to be questioning, exploring, and changing your mind. Tell yourself that it’s natural for your experiences with sexual attraction to be unpredictable and that this is part of your journey. Forcing anything or overanalyzing may prevent you from enjoying a relationship. Enjoy your experiences and know that whatever you’re feeling, you are valid!
I’ve formed a romantic relationship with someone here at camp, and I really like them, but the problem is that we live across the country from each other. I’ve never had to deal with a long distance relationship before, so what do I do? – Lucky Loser
Take time to carefully get to know this person and their habits at camp. Are they kind to their friends? Are they treating you with respect? Do they have a history of kind actions? If so (and if you’re comfortable), you can try out the long-distance relationship. It’s truly a personal decision that both you and your partner have to make together. If you mutually produce a plan for clear communication while being perched on opposite ends of the country, go for it and enjoy the relationship. Still, as you would with any relationship, take caution and ensure that your communication is open and relaxed as possible. If you get mixed signals or find your feelings changing, it’s especially important to communicate these thoughts with your partner.
What should I do if I’m not a fan of my workshop? They aren’t bad people or anything, we just don’t really vibe. – Vibe Seeker
Well, you can try to ask an instructor to help you switch workshops if there’s one you feel more comfortable with. However, even though this arrangement is likely possible, I encourage you to stick with your own workshop. In the future, whether it be in school or in a professional environment, you will come into contact with people that you just don’t vibe with. I even received a similar query last year from a like-minded camper. It’s important that you learn to work together with everyone, even if it’s someone you don’t click with right away. Plus, it’s a golden opportunity to lock in and focus on your writing. I remember one year when I was very focused and got pages and pages of my story written. Ask an instructor or counselor to facilitate an activity that will connect your workshop’s members, or strike up a conversation yourself. Remember—nobody is judging you for being friendly, and it’s a skill you’ll need if you want to be successful and personable in the future!
I went to the dance with a boy in my workshop and it’s literally been years since I’ve been on a date so I don’t want to settle for less y’know? Anyways he’s cute and all and kind but it sorta feels like I’m chasing him, like putting in all the effort? I’m not too invested yet but I don’t know how to navigate this situation to prevent my feelings getting too hurt. – Lonely Lover
One of the best things you can do when it comes to relationships is listen to your gut. If you’re getting red flags, it’s best to match the other person’s energy: take it slow and talk to him and his friends to get a sense of his personality and style when it comes to relationships (he may not be purposefully avoiding you, but if he is, it’s important to know). I’m glad to see that you value your own mental health when it comes to relationships, and it sounds like you’re aware of what you should do. If you do decide to proceed with the relationship, continue to prioritize your mental health and maturely communicate your feelings with your potential partner. Also, try to look at the situation from an outsider’s perspective. If you were watching yourself (on a TV show, for example), what would you tell yourself (let’s picture you as a character) to do?
Update: I wished upon a shooting star. My wish was vague–just one word, Romance– and I wondered if it would ever come true. But it seems like the stars knew what I wanted after all. -No Longer Lonely Lover
I’ve been having problems with my self-image because I have a friend in school who constantly points out my insecurities. One time she told me that she could never see me being liked by anyone and that the other girls in our friend group are so much prettier than me and her. She’s trying to mask her put-downs as self-deprecating comments so that I can’t get mad at her. Another time this guy in our grade made a list ranking the prettiest to ‘ugliest’ girls in our grade and she lied about my ranking because she was mad that I wasn’t at the bottom. But other than that she’s genuinely the nicest girl ever and I don’t know what to do! Pls help! – Troubled Friend
It seems like she is spreading these remarks out of a place of her own insecurity. She may be preying on both of your insecurities, but this may not necessarily mean she’s a bad person. Stay cautious of her, however. If it saves you the mental gymnastics of questioning your friend’s intentions, it may be a good idea to explore talking to other friends and gauging their attitude towards this person. Although it might be easier to give her the benefit of the doubt, try to subtly point out how she’s hurting your feelings and try to exude confidence when you have these image-conscious conversations (I know—easier said than done). If you reframe the conversation (try to look unaffected/laugh it off while hinting that both of you are beautiful), you may be able to bond over your insecurities instead of sitting on mixed feelings. Try to let her know that her actions hurt you and remember that her words do not define your beauty. It’s always normal to go through rough moments, and even the most widely-lauded models have faced insecurity, competition, and hateful feedback. Everyone has different ideas of beauty, which is an integral part of how the world works. Self-care and self-appreciation are important: if this friend continues these behaviors, discuss group self care ideas with others.
I do Writopia workshops outside of summer, and I seem to have a blast writing all the time. But when I come to WriCampia, I have so much fun doing camp things that I just can’t seem to start writing. For me, I can start a train of writing for hours, but I struggle to get on that train. How can I motivate myself to start my writing during workshop?
– Delayed Writer
This may be controversial, but if you truly don’t feel like writing, don’t. Your creative juices will start flowing when they’re ready to. If you do truly want to increase your wordy output, there are exercises that you can try to prompt some words to lift off your fingers, but it seems like you’ve been fairly productive recently (and that’s amazing!). If you want to get writing, you can try to start a brand new piece (check out our prompts in The Daily WriCampian for inspiration). Take inspiration from your favorite book. You can even try co-writing a story, asking an instructor for ideas, writing a poem about camp, or adding on to/revisiting an older story. More suggestions include writing down your feelings and creating a character similar to yourself but adding a twist. You can complete your summer homework or write a book review for your favorite book. If you have a certain comfort tool you like to utilize while writing (like a song, stuffed animal, or snack), be sure to grab it and make your writing space as inviting as possible. ✎
