Bunks 15 & 16 Struggle with Snow in their Showers
BREAKING—After the Opps Team confirmed that they had ‘fixed’ the issue of the freezing cold water spewing from the faucets of Bunks 15 and 16’s showers, campers have now been dealing with pure, fresh snow falling from the showerheads. Counselors say that they’ve brought the issue up countless times in meetings. The Opps have left us on delivered.
“And I thought my day couldn’t get any worse,” said Miriam T., Middle Camper, age 12. The campers in the cabins have resorted to using matches and large pots from the dining hall staff to heat up the snow to a showerable temperature. Rations are fought for in snowball fights. Hunger Games spin-off of the year, anyone?
“So, like, this is what I’ve been missing out on,” said Emory L., Middle Camper, 13, an LA native and one of the few campers genuinely excited about the snow. “I’m lowkey jealous of the kids who have snow days now–like, what do you mean you don’t private jet to Long Beach every fall because of a fire?”
WriCampia has sincerely apologized for the mishap: “We’re so, soooo sorry, Sonia. Pleaseeee accept free matcha for life from us.” Desperate much? Feel free to Venmo me ten bucks if you want to see the full video evidence of them begging for forgiveness.
Camper Sues WriCampia for Misasessing Swim Test
MASSACHUSETTS—“They, like, did me so dirty,” confessed Plaintiff Jane Doe, 14, relaying her traumatic experience during the annual WriCampia swim test to the WriCampia newspaper crew. “I swear–it’s not like I’m a bad swimmer,” she clarified, “but when the staff stopped me halfway through my second lap and gave me the disgusting red tag, I couldn’t help but feel betrayed.”
Doe has decided to take WriCampia to Pittsfield District Court on August 29th, 2026 for misconduct and coercion. “I fully agree with Doe,” another victim of the swim test added. “The swim test was unnecessarily hard this year. Honestly, Doe is being too nice to WriCampia. If I were her I would be bringing in the big guns.”
WriCampia has failed to respond to our request for an interview. Word says they’re yet to ‘get it, got it, good’.
